I few recent occurrences in my personal life have contributed to my focus on this topic: A month ago a friend of mine had an Arbonne Cosmetics home party and several of the women attending were most interested in the anti-aging line of creams. A number of the women talked about the lines on their foreheads and around their mouths- no one there was older than 27! Then, a few days later, one of my friends had to rush to the emergency because she had an allergic reaction to the cream used for her Brazilian wax. Finally, not long ago I asked my friend (who is not the tiniest bit overweight) to come swimming and she said she didn’t want to be seen in her bathing suit until she lost some weight. This reminded me of the countless other conversations I’ve had with friends consumed by the desire to lose weight before their weddings, vacations, the summer, the list goes on. More seriously, it also caused me to reflect on the large number of my peers who have experienced a range of eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia and the condition where people chew their food and spit it out.
Simone De Beauvoir on Narcissism
Thinking about the oppression through western beauty standards of myself, my peers and society in general has been making me feel helpless and sorry for myself.
I decided to re-read Simone De Beauvoir’s chapter in The Second Sex “the Narcissist” which I studied in a class I took on French Feminist Theory while doing my Master’s. Despite being published over sixty years ago, I find Beauvoir's analysis relevant and more empowering than anything else I have read on the subject. In her chapter on narcissism, Beauvoir, although recognizing the structural causes of the struggle so many women have with narcissism, poor body image and appearance-related issues (Beauvoir views narcissism to be a condition that women are prone to as a result of their objectification within patriarchy), she does not let women off the hook by describing them as powerless victims of a systemic problem. Instead, she says that women have a personal responsibility to struggle against narcissism/western beauty standards.
I see Beauvoir’s work on narcissism as a wake up call to women. She has two important messages, (1); narcissism is causing suffering to narcissistic women themselves and to society in general and, (2); women’s narcissism is a result of patriarchy and women’s complicity in it. I think it is this multifaceted approach that makes her case against narcissism so effective and empowering. I find that often contemporary writing about the problems women face as a result of narcissism and rigid beauty standards lack tools for empowerment because the authors (e.g. Noami Wolf in The Beauty Myth) focus only on the causes of women’s narcissism that are beyond women’s control, for example patriarchal capitalist mechanisms like the media. By writing about women’s complicity in their own subjugation Beauvoir challenges women to struggle against narcissism and shame and insecurity, (the underside of narcissism).Here are a few of the effects of narcissism identified by Beauvoir.
Inability to be in a proper loving relationship:
Beauvoir writes: “A stubborn narcissist will be limited in art as in love for want of the ability to give herself”. She explains further, "she looks at herself too much to see anything; she understands in others only what she recognizes as like herself in them; whatever is not germane to her own case, her own history, remains outside her comprehension. She loves to multiply her experience, she wants the intoxication and the torments of love, the pure joys of motherhood, of friendship, of solitude, of tears and laughter, but because she can never give herself, her emotions are manufactured." Here she explains that through women’s obsession with themselves they forgo many of the joys of life.
Women are demobilized and positive contributions to society are limited:
Beauvoir argues that women are not only hurting themselves as narcissists, they are also prevented from engaging in much positive action; in being consumed with themselves they are rendered passive and contingent beings. This is a point that particularly haunts me. I wonder how different the world might be if the enormous amount of energy women put into worrying about their appearance and attempting to alter it was instead directed towards helping other people or promoting social justice.
Dissatisfaction and vulnerability:
Alluded to as well in the Second Sex is the fact that inherent to the narcissistic woman’s experience is her perpetual dissatisfaction and vulnerability. Beauvoir writes: “the young girl who in her mirror has seen beauty, desire, love, happiness, in her own features-animated she believes, with her own consciousness will try all her life to exhaust the promises of that dazzling revelation”. Beauvoir points out that narcissistic women set themselves up for perpetual dissatisfaction because things that are worth achieving must be actively worked for. Moreover, the narcissistic woman’s vulnerability is also revealed by the possibility that such women will one day look in the mirror and not like what they see. Beauvoir writes “her body and her face are of flesh that time will disfigure”. If a woman spends all her life believing that central to her entire being and definition as a person is that she is young, pretty, happy, desired, etc. when she "suddenly realizes that she is no longer any of these things she will feel herself to be nothing". Finally, Beauvoir writes: “despite her superficial arrogance, the narcissist realizes her precarious position and this explains why she is uneasy, oversensitive, irritable and constantly on the watch; her vanity is insatiable”.Reading about the effects rigid beauty standards have on women, and increasingly all people in our society, can be a triggering and negative experience for people who relate to these behaviours. However, Beauvoir is very clear in her writing that women are not born narcissistic. The frequent worries women have about about their appearance and extended time they spend in the washroom in front of the mirror is not biological, but rooted in our societal structure. And YET, Beauvoir says women must wake up and realize that they can fight against this. Moreover they can not only fight, they have an obligation to do so! When women succomb to narcissistic bahaviour they let down their loved ones and society as a whole.
Traditional Food Skills as a Tool of Resistance
Not too long ago I read in a celebrity gossip magazine that the new trend among Hollywood actresses is to keep no food in the house and instead have all meals delivered by a catering company. The magazine explained that this system ensures that meals of particular calorie amounts can be ordered and that Hollywood stars need not be tempted to eat beyond their basic caloric needs. This is just one example of the twisted eating culture we have developed, symptomatic of the rigid beauty standards women feel obligated to follow.
This project I have taken on, to learn traditional food skills including being able to (1) select quality fruits and vegetables, (2) store foods in such a way as to prevent nutritional loss and spoilage, (3) bake, (4) cook nutritious meals, (5) use up leftovers and avoid waste, (6) can, and (7) grow common garden vegetable, is one positive way that I can feel I can resist the type of unhealthy food culture being created by the beauty myth or Western standards of beauty.
When I was doing research for this post I came across some eating disorder awareness literature that noted an increased interest in baking and cooking can actually be a sign of disordered eating. “Many persons with eating disorders love to cook and will constantly cook and bake for their family or friends,” said Theresa Fassihi, PhD, a psychologist with the Eating Disorders Program at the Menninger Clinic in Houston. “They may bake all day, but do not eat a single thing themselves".
On the other hand, many women find cooking helps them to cultivate a healthy relationship with food. For example, in her article ‘Cooking Up Self-Esteem’ Joy Manning, restaurant critic for Philadelphia Magazine and the author of the cookbook Almost Meatless writes, “cooking is a powerful tool that helps mend our often damaged relationships with food”. I find cooking helps me to feel good about myself and ensures that I will sit down and eat a healthy, energizing meal that will likely be made from wholesome plant-based ingredients. I've been searching for research projects looking at the link between body image/self-esteem issues and knowledge and utilization of traditional food skills. I haven't found any yet, but plan to keep looking!
